Lose Weight, Think Like a Man
I am not a clinical psychologist. I am not a dietician, a physician, or a self-help guru. I have not unearthed the secret miracle food, power enzyme, or nutraceutical nostrum that will liberate dieters from the tyranny of effort. In fact, I guarantee that harboring a belief in the proverbial magic pill is a low-watermark mindset, and is indicative of someone who is not ready to lose weight.
Interestingly, my own weight loss venture took me to my local Jenny Craig weight loss center. As a fly on the wall at Jenny Craig, I have seen the follies of many women seeking to slim down. My yearlong journey as an accidental reporter at a Jenny Craig center resulted in a 60 pound weight loss and some keen insight into dieting styles. I observed firsthand the mindset struggle of so many women, and witnessed the decaying will at the female dieter’s frontline. I was told after losing my first 50 pounds that my weight loss was possibly a success record at that center. I found this very curious; after all, why should I do so well in a program designed primarily for women?
Nature vs. Nurture
I do, of course, recognize that there are biological and lifestyle issues that may determine why some men may fare better dieting than many women do. But, this book is about something more than these physiological factors. It is about the male mindset, and a thought processes phenomenon that I believe creates the principle difference in successful weight loss between men and women.
Here is what we know from the physiology camp: men are larger and have more muscle mass because of the hormone testosterone. They are genetically designed to have a higher percentage of muscle, and less fat. This means men can consume more calories, and work them off more quickly. Research has found that, on average, a man’s metabolism is 5 to 10 percent higher than that of a woman of the same height and weight.
Men also tend to be more active than women. A study reported in the American Journal of Physiology found that women burn an average of 16 percent fewer daily calories than men. Researchers in the study found women’s resting metabolic rate was 6 percent lower than that of men, and that women burned 37 percent fewer calories during physical activity. Women simply do not burn calories as quickly as their male counterparts. Still, I truly believe, despite these many leg-up factors on the male physiology side of the balance sheet, that it is mindset that drives men’s weight loss success more than any other factor.
When I speak of “mindset,” I am not talking about strength or character, but rather a certain type of outlook that drives some actions or tendencies. This book is not a “men good, women bad” chronicle. It is, instead, a new approach toward uncovering certain thought processes that women can use to break a dieting cycle that is clearly not working. From the very outset of this book, I wish to express that I am not, for one moment, suggesting that women are weak or powerless, so please spare me the chauvinist-pig moniker. This book is not meant to be a battle of the sexes. When it comes to men and women, I say Vive la Difference. I adore women, and often pine for attributes that are more feminine. In fact, there are times when borrowing characteristics on either side of the gender fence would make us better humans. When dealing with problems with my children, I borrow patience, tolerance and understanding from my wife’s female temperament. Conversely, during her workout, my wife borrows my male competitive “win or shame” mindset.
Raising Them Right
When women are little, they are often taught to yield to their problems, and to accept, tolerate, and even protect the things that hurt them. Catch phrases such as “patience is a virtue” and “turn the other cheek” are taught to little girls as behavioral lessons to be modeled later in their lives to their own little girls. Like a battered women that understands, nurtures, forgives and even protects her physically abusive man, a woman’s feminine tolerance is often misplaced. In a stunning parallel, many women seem to protect and nurture their obesity and bad food choices. Often, in these destructive relationships with men or food, it seems that the woman is the last to see the dire gravity of the problem.
As boys, men are taught to be strong, to fight, to not yield to adversity, and to win. The term “man up” recently entered our modern lexicon as the definitive battle cry of strength. When you are asked to really turn up the heat, you are asked to “cowboy up.” This is the ultra-man mindset. A brittle and evanescent frame of mind is toxic to a successful weight loss program; therefore, in the weight loss venue, a man-up mindset may indeed be in order. During my edifying journey through the Jenny Craig weight loss center, I saw the female-dieter mindset in play. In the following pages, I shed light on the mindset fallacies, which I believe can halt weight loss progress.
Coming Up
In the following chapters, we’ll explore how gender differences influence the ways men and women interact with each other, and with individuals of the same gender. We’ll also look at why these different worldly viewpoints make or break weight-loss journeys.
We’ll take a peek at why your boyfriend or husband might seem to lose weight much more easily. This phenomenon is based, partially in the biological and chemical differences between men and women, partly in psychological and cultural differences, and indeed, in the male mindset. Weight-loss products and services have capitalized on these differences, with everything from clubs, such as Curves, to diet pills geared specifically toward women.
In this book, we shall also talk about how gender roles and attitudes come about, both biologically and in upbringing. This is by no means a new topic, but when looking at it from the standpoint of fighting the weight-loss battle, it takes on new meaning. Boys are taught to be tough and strong. Girls are taught to be sensitive and caring. From a very young age, girls are infused with empathy and the attitude of a caregiver. Indeed, this is one of the most wonderful things about women, but it is also one of their highest hurdles.
Overweight women tend to nurture one another into greater fatness, when the cold, hard truth is in order — even if feelings get hurt. A great deal of research has found boys and girls (later men and women) approach testing, learning, and life from very different places. Traditionally, boys tend to do better in math and science, and show greater skill in mechanical and electronic abilities (These are averages, not true with all individuals.). Girls, however, excel in communication, perception, and language skills. These different skill sets extend well beyond the classroom; they translate to various thinking processes and relationships.
Additionally, we will talk about how nurturing women develop toxic relationships with other women entrenched in the same dieting malaise. These interactions are filled with well-meaning pats on the back, and are full of lies. Telling another woman that it is not her fault she is fat, but rather, that it is her abusive ex-boyfriend or her poverty-laced childhood that is the root of the issue, does not help her overcome her struggle. Getting caught up in such codependent excuses is really another form of low-grade abuse. Women that engage in this behavior form a cyclical bond of self-deception. When telling another woman nothing is her fault, a woman is, by extension, telling herself she is not to blame for anything either. I’ve heard the excuse, “I’m big boned” often enough that I have devoted a chapter to this anesthesia mantra. It’s important to understand that, while frame sizes differ slightly among women, there is no super structure that excuses an extra 60, 70 or 100-lbs pounds of fat. Blaming something like bone structure or a tough childhood for obesity is simply exercising excusitis. And, using these alibis to avoid dealing with a problem that can severely threaten your health, self-esteem, and lifestyle is the worst form of denial.
We will also talk about the fact that denial sometimes takes the form of syndromes. Attention Deficit Syndrome is one of many “epidemics” that we have blamed for what may simply be different learning and interaction styles. Most of the time, we cause the problems in our own lives, and we are the ones who need to fix them. Ownership of these problems is difficult, but is a key component in the solution. Owning up to being fat, not “weight challenged” or “big boned” is a necessary step in taking ownership of your problem. From the outset, you must realize that big isn’t beautiful. The real picture of fat is clogged arteries, diabetes, heart disease – and death. The reality is that even a little weight loss can greatly help with these issues. Doing nothing is like signing your own death warrant. At the very least, it is stealing away the better, and healthier, life you might have lived.
Ferraro R. Lillioja S, Fontvielle AM, Rising R, Bogardus C. Ravussin E. “Lower sedentary metabolic rate in women compared with men.” J Clin Invest, 1992. Sept.; 90 (3): 780-4
