Friends are undoubtedly one of life’s greatest treasures. But, on the pragmatic side of friendship, they’re also valuable resources. When the world seems to cave in on us, and all goes wrong, there’s nothing better than the comforting voice of a trusted confidante.
Those of us that have the pleasure of a best friend know that a few encouraging words from someone you trust can make some of life’s worst moments palatable. Good friends can be medicinal. They can be encouraging and sagacious. They can round out our lives and make us feel someone has got our backs.
But not all friendships are healthy. In fact, some relationships, either with your significant other or a close friend, can be truly toxic. This is a problem that seems to, again, affect women more than men. It has been my experience that women take things more to heart than men. Women tend to be more trusting and believing than their male counterparts. Ronald Reagan once said, “Trust but verify.” And, when it comes to taking advice from others – that may well be a solid policy. At times, it is hard to believe that even people we care about don’t always have our best interests at heart. I have witnessed firsthand from the other side of the gender fence the ways in which women can be too duplicitous in their advice. Admittedly, this sometimes happens without intended malice and instead emanates from the advisor’s own lack of self-awareness. I have seen women tell their “friend,” “That guy is no good for you, he’s a jerk,” only to be dating the “jerk” themselves weeks later after the relationship breaks up. Even if women think the advice from their pernicious pal is suspicious, they still seem to dutifully accept it as true. In the arena of fat, this psychodynamic often plays out with adverse effects. One fat girl tells the other fat girl, “You look great.” After all, if her friend doesn’t look “great,” then what must she look like?
These bad-advice Möbius strips, which are often called feedback-loops, simply render two individuals less in total merely by virtue of their friendship.
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This is so true! Friends can both help and hurt the most.
I find this post amazingly true. It is so funny how friends, especially in females all look the same, I am thin and all of my friends are thin as well, my sister is very overweight and she only hangs with those who look like her. and I have told her for quite some time that they are enablers in the biggest fashion for one another. I agree with your statement about your friends can be toxic, as it pertains to her they are all toxic to each other’s health for sure.